Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
