Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
