Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
