This is not my ceiling
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize