hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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