I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize