yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
