i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
