Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I touched a dick in church today
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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