i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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