The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
