: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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