So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
