so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
