he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
