Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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