Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
