you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
