All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
