I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
