we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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