This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She's the barista slut.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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