so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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