I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
