Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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