You can't motorboat a personality
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
