we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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