If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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