i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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