just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Dick very happy bro
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
