capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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