I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
