Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
