one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
