Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
everyone is single if you try hard enough
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
