Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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