Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
