So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
