am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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