hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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