New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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