god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
