:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
