Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
