Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
These tits shall not be calmed
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
