his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
tell me about the eggs
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize