Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
