so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
