so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
