Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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