Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
