What a fucking waste of an outfit
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
