he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
