You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
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