I feel great
I just peed on a car
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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