She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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