if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
