I wanna passion pit in your ass
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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