is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize