it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Randomize
