I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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