they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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