I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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