i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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