This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
