Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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