It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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