you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
