My liver just broke up with me...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
