How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
