Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
