I wish I could punch you in the face.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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