you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
