i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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