let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
