Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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