I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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