How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
