So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
