woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
