I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
