Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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