He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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