I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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