all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
