Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Randomize
