why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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