He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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