At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
