between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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