i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
