It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
