You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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