Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize