Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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