dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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