if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
