Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
