But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
