He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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