I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
