I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
