I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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