you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
