I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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