My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
