I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I hope mine doesn't look like that
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
