I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
