I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
